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She dances
on a thin line
between what is real
and what is “fine” –
this dance with
Ana
the one who tells her
that she has stamina
and doesn’t need
to eat
because she’s more beautiful
when she’s petite.
She’ll feed into
this ideal,
the insecurity,
so that she’ll feel
like the pretty one
in that dress
she refuses to wear
because she stresses
on what they’ll see.
She tells herself
that she’ll be as pretty
as that doll on her shelf
when her waist
is smaller.
And as she feeds
her eating disorder,
she starves herself
of not only food
but self-love too.

To all the boys
who chase after me
while in a relationship
with another girl,
I’d just like you to know
that I would never
be in a relationship
with you
because you are not
being respectful
to your girl
and to me.
She deserves your fidelity
and I refuse to be
the other woman
for three reasons –
I could never do that
to another girl
because I respect
who she is to you;
I respect myself
too much to be
“the homewrecker”;
if you could
disrespect her
by chasing me,
I know you will
disrespect me
when another comes along.
So please,
do us both a favour
and make up your mind.

All those boys
chasing after
the curves of her body
won’t ever be able
to handle
the landscape of her mind;
only a man
would be able
to take that trek
but even then,
only the strongest
would be capable of
climbing and conquering
the mountains
that guard her love.

She gazed at the stars

and thought of how small

her place in the universe was

while he gazed at the starlight

that shone in her eyes

and wondered how such a star,

so bright and precious,

became the centre of his universe.

What if I fail?
I won’t ever
be able to leave this country
that I hate so much.
I’m going to live my life
as a failure
and I’ll never be good
enough for anyone
because I can’t even graduate.
What if I die
alone and-

“Hey, how are you?”
I’m alright. I’ve been busy.
“I know right. But girl,
you clearly have your shit together.”
I have just been working hard.
“Yeah, I hardly see you anymore.”
Oh you know, I really want to do well.
“Don’t we all!”
Yeah, well I have to go now.
“But we just met. I really haven’t
seen you in months.”
I know but I really want to do well.
“Alright then. Maybe after the
exams, we can meet up?”
Yeah, sure…

Why am I not
getting it right?
Why am I falling
short when I try
so fucking hard?
Why isn’t this going
like I planned?
Why do I suck at what
I used to be good at?
Why am I
underperforming?

“Did you study for the test?”
Yes, I did ma’am.
“Well, you barely passed.
Care to tell me why?”
I don’t know ma’am.
I really gave it my all.
“Well, it’s not enough.
You really have to push
yourself because the exam
is not going to be easy.”
Yes, ma’am.
“Listen, I know it’s hard.
But you have a lot of potential.
I’ve seen you do it before,
you can do it again.”
Thank you, ma’am.
I’ll work on it.

Failure.
Failure.
Failure.

“What is this?
I’m at work and suddenly
I get a phone call
from your teacher!”
I-
“No excuses!
You’re failing?
I didn’t spend all this money
on your education
for you to fail!”
It was much harder than
I anticipated…
“That is not a valid reason!
Go to your room,
and study.”

Numb;
Don’t cry,
I don’t have time for that.
I need to study.
Study;
You can do this,
one chapter at a time.
Workaholic;
one more set of
exam papers,
I’ve only done three today.
Perfection;
I will get those grades.

To the colorblind,

we will always appear

in varying shades of grey,

no matter our kaleidoscopic

hearts or personalities.

If maths has taught me anything,
it’s the kind of relationship I have with everyone;
we are all straight lines,
travelling from one side of the world to another.

Some of us are skew lines –
we have nothing in common,
or very little,
and that’s okay because
we might never meet in this life time.

And then you have your parallel lines –
we have a few things in common,
and we make good friends to one another because of it.
However, some of us are so alike
that we could either be the best of friends
or worst enemies
depending on if you really can handle someone who is quite like you.
Despite this though,
for good or for bad,
we can never mean more to each other than just this
because parallel lines don’t meet;
we remain next to each other
and nothing more can come from it.

Others are just intersections in our lines –
we meet at one point in our lives
before we part forever.
For some of us,
that’s a good thing;
simply because some relationships just don’t end well,
and it gives me some comfort to know
that as I continue to live my life,
I move further away from you.
But that is not as pleasant an idea
if someone I love,
I can hold on to only at one point in my life
before they’re gone for good.

We are a series of lines –
similar to some
and vastly different to others:
some of us are just meant to meet,
while others just miss out
by opportunities we would never know we had missed.

Our words have
so much power.

They can break
just as much
as they can
bind. Our words
can be weapons
that tear us
at the seams;
they can create
wounds that never
truly heal and
scars that never
disappear… But they
can also be
the stitches that
close the gaps
and the plaster
that stops the
bleeding and lets
us start healing.

Our words can
create and destroy,
and I have
learnt that our
silences do too.

They are the
words left unspoken,
building a wall
between the two
of us. Brick
by fucking brick,
the things we
should have said
we didn’t. And
all the things
we did say,
meant absolutely nothing
because we never
could say what
we needed to.

By the time
we had found
our voices again,
we could no
longer see past
the wall we
had built together.
This wall we
built with the
things we couldn’t
say, cemented together
by the things
we should’ve said
to each other…

Even if I
screamed what I
needed you to
know, you wouldn’t
have heard as
the words would
simply bounce back,
echoing around me.

“I’m sorry.” and
“I love you.”
All I can
hear is my
soft voice, amplified
by this silence.

“Between what is said and not meant,
and what is meant but not said,
we begin to lose each other in the silence we had created.”

She made a home
of the hell inside her mind
because the house she lived in
contained even worse evils.